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[27 Mar 2005|10:38pm] |
Name: alexa
Birthday: February 8th
Birthplace: waterbury Connecticut
Current Location: Connecticut
Eye Color: green
Hair Color: black blondish red roots
Height: 5'5 1/2''
Right Handed or Left Handed: left
Your Heritage: russian
The Shoes You Wore Today: converse
Your Weakness: lauras face
Your Fears: not making the right decisions
Your Perfect Pizza: vegetable
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: pass math
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: haha
Thoughts First Waking Up: i don't want to wake up
Your Best Physical Feature: my face.
Your Bedtime: whenever
Your Most Missed Memory: WAY to many.
Pepsi or Coke: coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds
Single or Group Dates: single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: coffee
Do you Smoke: yes
Do you Swear: yes
Do you Sing: no
Do you Shower Daily: yes
Have you Been in Love: Yeah
Do you want to go to College: no
Do you want to get Married: yes
Do you belive in yourself: Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness: yes
Do you think you are Attractive: Yes
Are you a Health Freak:no
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes
Do you play an Instrument: no
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes
In the past month have you Smoked: yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yeah
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No
In the past month have you been on Stage: no
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:yes
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: Of course
Ever been Beaten up: Yes
Ever Shoplifted: Yes
How do you want to Die: in my sleep, with the love of my life.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a mom.
What country would you most like to Visit: russia
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Whatever almond
hair color: black
Short or Long Hair: Not too short, not too long.
Height: tall
Weight: i like um thin'
Best Clothing Style: clothes, tight.
Number of Drugs I have taken: not much
Number of CDs I own: a few
Number of Piercings: none, had 8 at all together
Number of Tattoos: None.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: WAY to many.
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[26 Mar 2005|05:17pm] |
thursday: had no school, everyone stayed over. played some mean beer pong.
friday: hung out at my house with everyone, went to good will, then to the mall, bought underwear, changed a tire becasue tom had a flat and i know how to work a jak like a real live mechanic. went to oakville to see dave, matt, isaac, and myles. went home and had a sleepover with tom and ryan. we watched the matrix, then i went to sleep.
saterday: me and tom woke up ryan left tom went with my dad to get a tire, i did my laundry. tom came back we changed the tire, we went to his house and cleaned the whole inside of his car. then went and picked up laura. visited geoff at a.j wright, and now we are sitting ehre waiting until tom has to go eat dinner. then we are goign to the breathing process show. to support vaina pants of course.
sunday is easter, that will be spent with none other then my family.
it's nice out today.
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[22 Mar 2005|02:59pm] |
i woke up this morning and thought it was friday, it's tuesday.
school took forever and a half.
i ate lunch by myself. it reminded me of when ashli had to eat unch by herself becuase she barely had friends. now i'm the one that barely has friends. and i like it that way, i want to be just like her.
i came home and helped out my grandma.
i'm waiting for tom.
i'm waiting for:
summer
my hair to grow
to be so extremely happy in warm weather hanging out with my friends all day and everyday and not to have a care in the world.
and for tom to get to my house.
i'm wearing a tank top and i'm not cold.
spring is coming, the snow is melting, it makes me feel good.
summer is mine.
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| drop dead. |
[21 Mar 2005|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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school was alright, excet i got a detention for my shirt.
i served the detention.
came home to ashli + danielle.
went to a doctors appointment i had to get a physical, found out i have mild scoloiousis. but it's not a big deal, it's so mild that he's not even worried about it.
came home.
tom picked me up, i went over lauras.
sat there and ate yogurt + granola bars.
came home.
cheryl, screaming at the top of her lungs.
i hope i never have to piss in a cup again.
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[20 Mar 2005|09:55pm] |
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i completely abandoned my journal, but i got in the mood to write in it today, and fix it up a bit.
weekend:
friday- breathing process show.
saterday- matt tom geoff laura megan ryan, came over hung out slept over
today- went to the movies with tom ryan and courtney, saw ashley. ring 2, good movie.
(p.s. my weekend was a lot more extended then that, i'm just to laxy to write ou tthe details, only the basics if i did it would be three huge paragraphs, that just isn't imporant to anyone except for myself.)
my boyfriends drunk at a party, walking in the woods alone, he hung up the phone i tihnk he may have died. but i haven't called back.. i don't knwo why ihaven't but i don't want to ruin his party for him.
tommorow- school, day 6. i have third lunch, shouldn't be too bad, or should i say any worse then usual. i wish i didn't lose my intrest for school. i used to enjoy it, i don't anymore it's sad.
all i ever want to do is:
be home
see matt
hang out with tom and geoff
have sleep overs with laura
.
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| i love mda. |
[16 Dec 2004|09:16pm] |
i went back to school for the first time in how long because of the weekend and my sickness, and it wasn't a bad day by any means. i was content and wanted to learn for the first time i can remmeber sense middle school, i love that feeling. god dammit i even used my wolcott high tracker and wrote down my homework. i have SO much make-up work. and all i did today was a collage for health, i am so damn good at making collages.
tommorw is friday, mm the weekend at my finger tips. which will be spent cuddling with laura. i wouldn't have it any other way.
i have a lot of laundry to.
i hung out with tom today, we ate yogurt. and went on a wild goose chase with myles, isaac, laura, dave, and joe. we didn't complete our mission. but WE WILL, very soon.
i'm failing math, and probalby everything else. i need to start caring more, and i tihnk i already am starting to care more.. that collage was like the first thing i've done all year.
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| no one wants to be alone at christmas time. |
[15 Dec 2004|11:20am] |
did anyone notice i change my user picture more than i even update?
i haven't been to school in what is now the third day, i have broncitous. i could barely move yesterday and the day before,was perfusely sweating, might i add my head felt like it was going to explode, and the constant mucusy coughing tha lead to throbbing chest pains. but i feel pretty damn good right now. but it makes me sick to think of all of the make-up work i'll be recieveing.
4 and 1 half days left until christmas vacation.
shaun came back over for the first time 2 days ago, and has been over everyday sense then. i find myself up talking to him very late everynight.
eventhough i am unofficially dating matt, like before shaun even came around. it seems as though i'm making a problem with it. but i won't as of now on. i need to straighten my ass out, and i think i mean it this time. even tohugh i've come to find out my words are a lot simpiler then my actions.
i have my own room. ashli moved into myles' old room, and myles into the office. which means little me with a whole lot of room. and no one to share it with, which i must admitt i'm not very much taking i a liking to, i love seeing ashli's face across the room when i wake up in the moring. it gives me a sense of comfort & security, that i guess i'm just going to have to do without.
i have a doctors appointment in a little bit, who knows what today holds. it is only 11:30 am. i'm going to feel awkward in school tommorw as if i don't belong.
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| " you are the beauty that off set the ugly situations i find myself in" |
[08 Dec 2004|09:12pm] |
ive absolutly abandoned my journal, left it for dead.i don't enjoy writing in here anymore. i have the time, just not the patience. i don't tihnk anyone stops to read it.
if i were to explan what i've been dealing with in the past two weeks there would be a book, or maybe i'm just blowing things out of proportion. it's not even a big deal anymore. i'll just leave it with a lot of confusion, decisions, and hurt feelings.
i stayed home from school today, and went to the mall with ashli& my grandma for christmas shopping. grandma bought me a skirt, and some hand lotion. awesome. i wish i had money to buy sometihng for everyone i want to. except i'm not old enough to have a job, just a couple more months. then i'm applying somewhere in the mall. or at the dunkin donuts down the street. anyways back to when i was at the mall. i had to go becuase johnny never came home last night. i hope he gets a severe beating. i hate fuckign shopping. especially becuase i found so many things i want, that i will never recieve.
i'm going to have to make up a math test tommorw.
i just want christmas vacation, i can't stand school any longer, i never remember hating it this much. i always used to secretly enjoy it in a way. now i just dread it.
there's a juice box stuck to a lint roller on my computer table, i need to clean my room.
i want weekend, kathleen is coming over for the first time in years. we should have a lot of fun. plus the usual amount of boys and laura. notihng to do this weekend though, just lay around with eachother in our own filth. i love dirty boy filth.
i miss shaun, i don't even have anyone to call a dick anymore. or eat a match with, but i guess i can blame myself for that. even though i don't want him as my boyfriend, i've come to need him around here as a person.
which brings me aroudn to say, i feel a lot more stable now. having things back to normal, with matt. how they were before everything. it just makes me happy.
i want ashli + johnny to come home, i want to spoon with them.
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| her red finger nails in the grip of the answers |
[17 Nov 2004|04:20pm] |
my life is so messy lately, in someways good in others bad.
lauras leaving for florida saterday morning, for an entire week. i don't know how i'll handle it we havent benn seperated for a month now, and when i say not seperated i literally mean not seperated we havent even slept alone in our own beds for the past month.i'm sure it will be fine though i'm doing really good with most of my friends. recently tom got his liscense and he comes to visit me with geoff every day, they actually should be showing up in a bit, i love being close to them. a couple weeks ago it was like they weren't even my friends. i love them, so much.
i'm having a problem with sometihng that is my fault, i talked shit aobut jenn parziale. and i have no problem admitting to it, and i feel extremly shitty about it. i don't care who you are but everyone has talked shit. and she's makign this such a huge scene, and even harrasing me about it. writing things in her profile directed towards me. i/ming me just to yell at me. and yes i made a mistake, but atleast i give myself credit for being the bigger person and admitting to what i did, i also recognized it and took it into fact and i apologized perfusley for my mistake, that's all i can physically do. all she wants on me now is to make me feel like shit.she makes it seem like she hates me so much, and thats fine i dont blame her. i wouldn't be to fond of someone who tlaked shit about me, but there is no need to harras that person. all she should do is write me off, instead she makes it the center of her attention. she made me feel shitty enough. i cried aobut it. but thete is notihng i can do, im not going to beat myself up over it. i've had much bigger problems to deal with in my life, no matter how bad i feel, it's a lost cause.
another thing i want to talk about is chris, i think it sucks honeslty that we went out for so long and we hate eachother. and ive come to realize it doesnt have to be that way. he's made his mistakes and i've made mine. maybe i'll talk to him one day and try to straighten things out. not to be like his best friend but just to atleast have an understanding with him.
on the good side,
i don't know really how to explain what it is or how to put it but i'm kind of "dating?" or maybe not i really have no clue, i ithnk thats more up to him. but my beothers friend matt. and i like him alot, enough said.
i'm excited for friday, i'm having like 12 kids over, should be crazy.
then saterday matt's house.
sunday who knows?
but tommorow is career day, i picked liek things on phycology and medicine and what not. i wish i didnt have to go though. i stayed home two days already this week, ive been so sick.
i miss danielle baldino.
my sister is always so hard on me, and she is the one person that truly gets to me. i iwsh she would lighten up and realize that i'm human.
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| " i had a bad dream, hold me." |
[01 Nov 2004|01:16pm] |
my weekend is never ending, and i love it.
friday- laura, myles and i came home nd hung around with matt, issac, and bobby. then we went to the moneen show. fucking amazing. minus matt his dad sucks. we came home adn we all slept here. plus matt he sat at our house and watched bringing down the house.
saterday- me laura issac and myles hung around then went to issacs house extra early. we set up for his party. and then matt and ryan joined us. until the party started and aobut 25 people showed up. we went for walks and such. had fun. except for something horrifying that happened, thats took up most of the night. matt, issac and i took care of it.
sunday- halloween, i was in a depressed mood. myles, ryan, issac, laura, matt, dave, and myseld just hung aroudn the house and did absolute notihngness.
monday- [today] skipping school with laura myles and ryan. ashli and johnny viana are also home. we walked to dunkin donuts + mcdonalds. and have been watching slc punk. later matt and dave are coming over.
tuesday- i don't have school becuase of election day. myles ryan laura dave issac matt and i will be chillen all day.
that's right, i hang out with my brother and his friends, ilove tem more then life.
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| note to self i miss you terribly, this is what we call a tragedy. |
[25 Oct 2004|06:20pm] |
i'm fed up with chris mostly, he makes me so entirly stressed out. he treats me horribly and all i do is try and comfort him. i forgive him way to much. he's immature, and doesn't know how to handle himself. i know he will get out of it. i know he's not a bad person, but it's just to much to handle at the moment.
but when all is said and done, i love him. and dont blame him.
i had a bad day, ^ that's obviously the reason.
my dad wouldn't even let me go out or have people over, so i flipped on him. i'm sorry ron.
ashli just held me when i got home from school, i love her so much.
i can't wait until halloween, but i'd liek all my friends to go but we can't. we have to do a chris/rob split. fucking gay.
i need to stop skipping classes.
i re-pierced my bellybutton, and it hurt so much. i shoved it through with a needle and alchol swabs for cleanlyness. ugh.
i wish people weren't so dramatic.
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| fucking nutter butters. |
[21 Oct 2004|09:37pm] |
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yesterday-
school was decent, nothing big. but after i went over geoff's [with SAMM<3 bobby, chris, geoff, and tom] and we got bored really fast, well after me and bobby got a little bad with some green stuff we found in geoff's cabnit. we decided to go for a walk we ended up at maria's pizza, where i had a bottle of coke. then to cumbi's, and lauras.we had fun at laura's we played. and looked at the cloud's and oddly enough there were penis's,vagina's, and rob mckeon in the sky. after everyone left me and laura did my homework, and ate motzerella sticks. then i got a phone clal from ashli teling me she cut her finger off at work. the dramatic little beast. she only cut a little diagnol piece off, that is still in place. so ashli picked up me and laura, and we went to walmart for batteries. we went to my house and pretended to get dirty, or was it pretending? and then fell asleep.
today- laura and i arrived at school, and i actually had a pretty good day. i had lunch alone with bobby, i love him. and it was just all in all alright. but i couldn't do anytihng after school naturally and have been home sitting on my ass all day. i just want tommorow to come.
tommorow- school, then SAMM SAMM SAMM; anyways, me and laura are attending a show with samm tommorw. that samm+i will be working at. should be great fun.
i'm fucking tired.
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[14 Oct 2004|07:50pm] |
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music |
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myles drumming |
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i dyed my hair it's weird it looks black in some mirrors, because of the lighting and brown in others. but i like it. i just need to get another haircut. i want bangs down to my nose to part on the side so i have the cute little swoop thing, and get the rest angled and some what shorter.
i was uncomfortable all day. and bored. i would hang out with my friends after school, but they are busy with jane. she is replacing me and laura, idc what they say. they hang out with her everyday, and they prob will this weekend too, and if not then me. i won't hang out with her, i made fun of her and i stick by it. they all did they all hated her. and NOW they love her.. alright? yes, i know i'm horribly jealous. but me and laura were always the only girls besides nik, who left around a year ago. but now it's like i'm second to jane. i hate it. if they do start hanging out with her everyday, even on weekends.. i guess me and laura and rob will hang out by ourselves together. or i'll find new friends. i think i'm being overly dramatic. but fuck it.
i talked to kat today, i liked it.
tommorw if they don't hang out with jane i'll be doing something with my favorite people in the world. and if not me and wifey will prob hang out by ourselves. maybe rob too he prob will be lonely haha.
saterday is myles's show. i'm supposed to be taking people.
but i know for a fact i'm going i love my little myles.
sunday i wanted my mommy to take me shopping, or maybe i'll shop with laura earlier. who knows? i need sneakers horribly. ive had the same ones for 2 years.
next saterday i'm going to work a door, with SAMM for a show in meridan<3
ashli's boyfriend johnny has been around a lot lately, maybe he will be the only one who doesn't fuck her over. i can tell he cares for her an extreme amount. and i like him. he's good for her, she deserves the best.
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[28 Sep 2004|03:29pm] |
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saosin- i can tell |
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i had a bad day, i don't know exactly why i just did.
i am going back otu with chris, it doesn't seem as if we are though. i tihnk thats mostly me i guess? he says i'm not affectionate. i'm taking it slow, he wanted that as well. his parents and sister don't like me. it doesn't seem to be going so well, and i know he is questioning it a well. maybe it just wasn't meant to happen.
i spent time with my shape group, in study today. we all seemed to get alogn so well. it's nice these are people i never would have talked to if it wasn't for these circumstances.
i didn't have a very good day yesterday either. that was until i went over lauras after school. we hung out, and played. and chris, rob, and tom came. we played more. then i ate dinner with her. she is my bestfriend&lover.
if you keep asking me i'll melt away in the summer air, it won't hurt half as much and i'll beg for you to just tell me something.
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[25 Sep 2004|03:53pm] |
i fucked up.
i've hurt chris so badly, and i finally figured out that the thing i kind of going with rob isn't worth it. i don't know how to tell both of them.. at all. i know chris did the same thing to me a while back with laura. but the way i did it is worse. chris said he figured it out that he wanted me over laura, at one moment while listening to bright eyes. well i had that moment. when i was spending time with rob, i wished it was chris, and remembered every good time i had with him. and in the car coming home. now i just don't know what to do. i guess i finally got it out of my system, i needed to let myself grow up. even if that did mean fucking everything up. i don't know how to tell rob, i can tell he's getting attached, and i made mistakes, by thinking i liked him so much, then it hit me, that it was just a stupid crush, and chris and my sister knew all along. so what do i do now? honestly. did i fuck it up way to much? do i still have a chance to fix things? i just don't know anymore. do i have chris read this? i don't tihnk i should i want to have a way to express how sorry i am, a way to make him understand. i don't know if i have the balls to tell them. i really don't think i do at all.
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| like bringing a knife to a gun fight |
[23 Sep 2004|05:07pm] |
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yesterday:
school i had a good day as far as i remember except for my horrible lunch with absolutly no one in it. and after that i went to geoff's house with tom, chris, rob, bobby, becky, geoff of course, and mitch. it was alright there we played at frisbie and sat and talked in his house.
after i went home for a bit, and did absolutly nothing, until rob and mongle invited me to go out, so i went. we went to wendy's where i didn't eat anything then the mall, we looked at leather jeckets sense monga loves them. i chased rob through k.b toys and fell, now im the owner of a bruise on my knee. after hte mall we went to barnes and nobles, played witha trian set, until i had to go home aorund 9:30.
today:
school was good again, i heard that i can go to canada for french and miss 6 days of school, except it costs 900$, and thats just ridiculous so bobby told me he would take me to canada for free when he gets his liscene, i <33 him. and we had an assembly about buying cookie dough, it was gay. but i got to miss a lot of french for it and hang out with laura and tom. had a good lunch with bobby and robert. then after i went ohme. and juciy came over we talked for a little then went to wendy's and dropped off ashli at work the ride home took for ever becuase there was like a drive by or something. haha. i went home to john on a microphone playign around doing a comedy hour, he's such a weirdo. i have to do social studies homework, a fucking essay.
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| FORGET ME IT'S THAT SIMPLE. |
[16 Sep 2004|06:05pm] |
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hopesfall - dead in magazines |
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only thing worth talking about today:
i had lunch with chris alone today, and we had fun just sitting there and talking. i don't think he realizes what the hell i'm doing at all. i did this, i fucked it up, yes i know. but he thinks asking me out 5 times in a row is going to help. and it's not. and jesus i wish i could just say yes and marry him and get it over with, but it's not like that. he doesn't realize how well we are getting along just doing what we are doing. IT MAKES ME HAPPY THAT BEING LIKE THIS WE HAVE BEEN GETTING ALONG SO WELL, THATS ALL I WANT TO DO GET ALONG WITH HIM. and who cares if it lasts for a while? wouldn't he rather have it this way.. then someone being unhappy? and yes.. maybe we could go out and we would be happy and in love. BUT what if we go out and it's the opposite. streching this out as long as possible makes everytihng worth the wait. even if he does date someone else [staci baldino]. he tihnks it's beucase i don't want to be with him. i do, but not right now. i can't be i need it to be like it's starting over again. maybe i'll date someone. and he definitly will. he has um lined up around the block. he thinks it doesn't break my heart. IT DOES, I PROMISE. but there is know turning back from the way i treated him at some points, future advice for most people 15 isn't the best age to have a 9 month relationship. it was too much stress on me. even though i love him, even tohugh it maybe god damn worth it. i can't do it. give me some time maybe it be weeks- months, if we are in love it will happen, if we are in love and it happens the way it's supposed to i'll be his girlfriend. part of me doesn't want him to read this at all , he might feel mislead. beucase every time i say i love him he thinks it's a sure thing that tommorw it will go back to "normal" and what i would give for normal. some people may tihnk i'm an asshole, becuase i'm 15 and actually using the word "love" but i never felt stronger, and it may fade. who knows? all i know is he took some part of my life. a lot of it. and it will stay like that. even if it doesn't work out, at all. he basically forced me into saying that there was no chance, i think thats what he wants to hear, so he can just move on and i guess thats best.
i got a book on the holocaust called "night" i'm in love with it. i'm exhausted and my neck is killing me. i'm sick of having to go straight home after school everyday. it sucks all of my friends [including chris], hang out everyday. and i have to go home. and sit here.. until they come online at night. pathetic. but tommorw is friday and i'm planning on hanging out all weekend with them. i need it.
i miss laura, even though i see her everyday, it's nice to have a best friend whose a girl. too many boys.
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[15 Sep 2004|04:13pm] |
i need motivation to write in here.
ive been so dapressed/confused/happy/and angry lately. there is way to much that i can even start to think about writing. it's not worth going over all last week, to much drama and fucking gay?
today:
got scared so didn't go over to my friends cus i tohught maybe chris was goign to bite my head off. so i went with courtney to go see ryan, until i got up the courage to wlak over to see them with geoff. and it was perfectly normal. no one was picking fights with anyone about anything, i'm glad they arn't douche bags. but i went through the day, barley staying awake. i ate lunch with chris, rob, laura, bobby. <3 them. i love school soup. i hate my math class, and how james parry feels the need to hit on me, and touch meevery 5 seconds. gross. and after that i came home. and swept my floor, and did laundry. i'm bored i can't wait till friday. i need to try and sleep earlier.
i'm in love with SHAPE. it makes me feel comforted, and normal. + i got to get out a little about ashli, unfortunatly she's not my sister anymore, she's not even the same person. and the one she is now. i don't love.
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| sweetheart, hold you so tight it could break my arms |
[07 Sep 2004|08:38pm] |
haven't updated in years.
friday after school i went over rob's for a little bit off the bus with everyone. then i had to go home becuase my dad became a homo. geoff drew on my shoe. i'm pretty sure i stayed home the rest of that day.
saterday went grocery shopping with GPBS [ rob,tom,bobby ] minus chris he was at his big brother's wedding. after we picked up chris and went to the movies. chris was drunk. we also went to katies house, dropped off tom. and invaded she was so pissed. we drove around and what not.
sunday chris came over all day, staci and danielle slept over later that night. staci and i bonded amazingly. zack fasano and such, we were up all night<3 and had a leg sandwich going. lovvee her
monday chris's house with everyone they went swimming. we played with carpet fresh and took a walk. at cheeseburgers. while chris's dad tried to throw me in the pool, amazing. we also sincrinized our buddylists, and played catch te rubberband ball.
<3chickennn!!<3
today, went to school. was exhausted, had lunch like alone with chris + geoff. walked tom to various classes. put to much cover up on so i looked orange [ :O( ] came home had hazelnut coffee, cleaned like a motherfucker, did homework, and sat on my ass.
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this_is_passion's journal